hum hallelujah.

i'm going down, down in an earlier round, my dears.

today was a hard day.
i never knew i could cry that much.
i haven't been to church in the looooooooooooongest time...
confession. i never appreciated it until today.
my conscience is cleared, yay!
[but not by the hail marys and the our fathers i had to say after confession, but by the fact that i got to let everything out that i've kept in for so long.]

but my problems are still here... taunting me.
i have two major problems that are plucking my pubes in broad fucking daylight.
[btw. just an expression. you'll learn to accept my grotesque terminology.]


dearest readers, please don't judge me.


problem number one.
COLLEGE. that's all i have to say...

problem number two.
my home life.
my mother and i have switched roles.
she can only handle so much. it's my turn to be her backbone.
today i had to kick out my step father.
every day is filled with raw, red eyes, a new bruise, and another stab to the heart.
i was already neglected by my first father.
now i have to turn my back on my second one.
poor ross. my little brother is going through everything that i went through...
all the false hope, all the broken promises, depression, physical and emotional pain, and confussion.
no child should go through what i've been through.
to all you genuine asshole who think it may not seem like much and it may seem like other kids have worse problems than i do, i have two words for you...
FUCK YOU.
you're not in my situation.
but if you've gone through way worse or you're not one to judge, you have my sympathy/gratitude and that "fuck you" was not directed at you.

i no longer know how to manage everything.
i need to step it up.
changing my name to cinderella.
the cinderella before the prince charming and the dream come true.
i'm now all about the cleaning, cooking, laundry, dishes, oh! and being the official family chauffeur...

i need to figure out how to balance all the chores with school work and studying, my friends, my family time, my volunteer time, and my boyfriend? no. is that where we are at now? ideffingk.

2008 was so simple.
at the stroke of midnight...
i said hello to 2009 and goodbye to the good life.

don't get me wrong. this year has been filled with some of the best moments of my life.
but out of all 17 years of my existence... this year has been by FARRRR the hardest for me.

but i guess we all need to suck it up and simply move on... right?


He's everything I want and more.
He's everything I want for sure.
He's everything that I want and to adore.
Well, baby, I am overly attracted
And terribly convinced that he could be my lover,
But I think I lost my chance.
You had me at first glance.

first guy, first try, first lie, first goodbye.

ohhh christofer... how i miss you and your amazing lyrics.
come back and visit me again.
:D

damn muhh fuggin missouri for taking you away from me.
:/

but anywho. school has begun. FML.

today is my first friday of the school year and i feel EXHAUSTED. no bueno.
it makes me worry about how i'm going to feel the rest of the year...
add some college applications, a debut, homework, projects, paper, essays, etc. into the mix and BAM! instant breakdown...

ugghhh...

i was raped of my summer. it ended too quickly.

"Today, I stopped by a street cart selling muffins and asked the guy if he was the muffin man. He gave my red and white striped sweater one look and said 'Maybe, but only if you're Waldo.' Touche Muffin Man."

hahahahahahaha!!!








so recently i've been on youtube a lot... idk why... but i've been watching so many videos and i came across a video by gabe bondoc...
HE'S SO CUTE. :]



this made my day. <333

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, start.

just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart. i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you. i miss listening to the moldy peaches.

well ahoy readers!

haven't been on this blogspot of mine in a long while.

so. since i haven't been able to do this in a while. i feel i need to let out some steam and complain like a whiny little bitch.

but please... bare with me. it's been a rough couple of weeks.

so school starts in six days. woop tee fucking dildo do for me.
-_____________________________________________-

what a boner breaker.

i am for shizz becoming a hermit and locking myself indoors with all my books and school supplies for the next 9 months.

OH BALLS.

i am committing social suicide and giving up my social life. like i really ever had one. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

i am going to fail all my classes and i am probably not getting into the college that i want.
x_x

fuck fuckity fucking fuckers fucking fuckity fuck.

blehhhhhhhhh. i fail.

but to take things on a more serious note.

the saying is true... "every hello ends with a goodbye."
which is probably one of the most painful things i could ever say.
i hate saying goodbye. especially when it's something that changed me... for the better.

hello school, goodbye to the one thing that made me genuinely smile.

i'll miss you, babe.

Take care
Of yourself darling
I guess this is goodbye
Tomorrow's coming quicker
Than yesterday came today

Promise you
Won't forget about me
So these moments spent
Are coming to an end
I'm counting seconds
Till' next time again
Listen

One, two, three
Four, five
Six, seven
Eight, nine
We couln't change it
If we tried
One, two, three, four
Goodbye

These moments spent
Are coming to an end
I'm counting seconds
Until next time again

i'll miss you, summer nights '09.